Anticipating Divorce

/in /by

vicki-volper.pngvicki-volper.pngWhen anticipating divorce, many questions arise. Divorce is a process rife with many interrelated legal, financial and emotional issues. After first thinking very carefully about whether to divorce, you should then think carefully about how to divorce. To begin with, you should decide what issues are most important to you about how to divorce. While you may not be the one who has chosen to divorce, you can take control over the method of divorce.

Is it important to you to maintain an amicable relationship with your spouse after divorce?

You may wish to keep your relationship with your spouse amicable for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is your children. When you imagine your future, do you hope to sit at your children’s sporting events, theatrical productions and graduations comfortably? Would you like to be able to dance with your former spouse at your children’s weddings? If so, you would benefit from a non-adversarial divorce method such as collaborative divorce or mediation.  Both collaborative divorce and mediation are geared toward resolving the issues of your divorce in a way that enhances, or at least does not undermine, your ability to communicate with your former spouse.

What kind of professionals would you like to work with in the divorce process?

Do you want an aggressive litigator controlling the process? Or would you prefer a person who will consider your values and include you in the process? Are you willing to risk having decisions about your future made by a judge you have never met before? Or do you want to maintain control of your future and your children’s future? Collaborative lawyers and mediators will help you examine your values and will help guide you through the divorce process respectfully. In addition, the collaborative divorce process offers you the option of mental health professionals acting as divorce coaches to support you through the divorce process.

Is saving money important to you?

An adversarial divorce, one with aggressive attorneys involved, is generally much more costly than mediation or collaborative divorce.  The adversarial process involves court appearances where you will await your lawyer’s chance to argue motions before a judge.  There will be many discussions between your attorney and your spouse’s attorney that are communicated to you after the fact.  You are paying for each of these procedures by the hour. There is no need to spend your children’s college fund or your retirement savings on your divorce. If you are comfortable mediating, you can generally divorce quite economically.  If you need the support of an attorney by your side through the process, collaborative divorce will save you a significant amount of money as compared with litigation because you and your spouse meet with your two attorneys together in 4-way meetings. You avoid the game of telephone that would otherwise occur where your attorney conveys your thoughts to the other attorney who then conveys them to your spouse, and so on.

Do you value your privacy?

The traditional divorce process entails court appearances where your financial and personal matters are discussed in a public forum. Collaborative divorce and mediation are done in the privacy of an attorney’s office. 

Who will you be after divorce?

The prospect of divorce may take up all of your emotional energy at the moment. It may loom in your future and seem never-ending.   Fortunately, you will one day complete the process. Who do you want to be when you are done with the divorce? Will the benefit of “winning” by using the most aggressive lawyer in town outweigh the loss of your ability to communicate with your spouse and effectively co-parent your children?

Please call me if you would like to discuss these issues further.vicki-volper.png

Vicki Volper

Collaborative Attorney and Mediator

vicki-volper.png

Why Add Additional Members to your Collaborative Divorce Team?

/in /by

You and your spouse have hired Collaborative Divorce attorneys. You are ready to begin the process. You need to ask yourself these questions to determine whether to add other Collaborative Divorce team members.

Do we need a Financial Specialist as part of our Collaborative Divorce team?

A Financial Specialist can help parse through your financial information and present it in an understandable manner. This is important when parties have complex financial assets or variable sources of income. A Financial Specialist can also prepare financial projections. This can be especially helpful in making you and your spouse comfortable that the income and assets you will have after the divorce will be sufficient for your lifestyle. A single Financial Specialist will review the finances for you and your spouse and report to both attorneys.

Do we need a Collaborative Divorce Coach as part of our Collaborative Divorce team?

A Collaborative Divorce Coach is a mental health professional who has trained as a divorce coach.  He or she does not act as a therapist, but rather as a coach to guide you and your spouse through the emotional issues that sometimes interfere with successful divorce negotiations. Sometimes each of you will have your own coach. Alternatively, one coach may be sufficient for both of you. The coach may attend the 4-way collaborative meetings, or may meet with you separately before or after such meetings. A Collaborative Divorce coach can facilitate negotiations and enhance the Collaborative Divorce experience.

Do we need a Child Specialist as part of our Collaborative Divorce team?

A Child Specialist is a mental health professional who is especially trained in the needs of children in a family undergoing divorce.  The Child Specialist may meet with your children to assess their needs and advise you about the best parenting plan for your children. If you have concerns about how your children are reacting to the divorce, you may want the advice of a Child Specialist in deciding upon an appropriate parenting plan.

Will Additional Collaborative Divorce team members increase the cost of our divorce?

The answer is not necessarily. The Financial Specialist can work with the financial information on behalf of both you and your spouse and report to your attorney. This is less costly than having each attorney review the numbers separately. The Collaborative Divorce Coach and the Child Specialist can enhance your ability to resolve issues, saving time and money in the long run.