Make a List of Your Existing Debts

 

Often couples approaching divorce have individual or joint debts. Most people have home mortgages and/or home equity lines of credit. In addition, many couples have credit card debt, student loans and other liabilities. In the process of divorce mediation, the husband and wife must decide how to share their liabilities as well as their assets.

A good starting point is to obtain credit reports for each party

You need to supply your divorce lawyer with a complete list of your debts. While you might think you are aware of all of your outstanding liabilities, sometimes there are debts that you have forgotten about. You also might think a particular liability is in the name of only one party when in fact the other party is named on the debt as well. This often happens when one party obtains a credit card and the other party is an authorized user. Another concern is the possibility of errors on your credit report. This is all too common and it is better to rectify the situation as soon as possible.

You can get a free credit report by contacting one of the following agencies:

• Trans Union – www.tui/transunion.com
• Equifax – www.equifax.com
• Experian – www. Experian.com

After consulting your divorce attorney, cancel joint accounts

While parties contemplating divorce cannot unilaterally close bank accounts or credit cards, they can do so by agreement. While engaging in the divorce process, you should discuss whether it makes sense for you to begin to unwind your financial entanglement by creating separate bank accounts and credit card accounts. Consult with your divorce lawyer before making any changes to be sure you are not violating any court orders.

Sharing of Existing Debts

Generally, debts incurred during a marriage are legally joint liabilities to be shared, even if they are in the name of only one party. In a collaborative divorce process, however, parties may consider whether one or the other party should be solely liable for a particular debt regardless of who is legally the borrower. If a husband and wife conclude that one party should be responsible for a particular debt that is in joint name, they can try to get the creditor to release the other party from the liability. Speak to your divorce lawyer about whether this is an option. Creditors are hesitant to let one party off the hook for a debt. A better option would be to use available assets to pay off any joint debts or refinance them in the name of the responsible party alone. With the aid of your divorce attorney, you can take into account the need to pay off debts when you divide your assets. When these options are not feasible, a common solution is to give one party the obligation to pay a debt, and provide for such party to indemnify the other party against loss. It is not a perfect solution, but sometimes it is the only option available. Your divorce attorney can craft language that will protect the party with liability.

 

Marital and Divorce Mediation

Marital Mediation is an option for couples that may be considering divorce mediation. Sometimes either one or both of the parties considering divorce mediation would prefer to preserve the marriage. Marital mediation is different from divorce mediation and couples counseling, and can be a useful tool for couples who wish to avoid divorce.

What is marital mediation?

Marital mediation is a process similar to divorce mediation in that a neutral third party mediator helps the couple make decisions together. Unlike divorce mediation, however, the goal is to preserve the marriage, rather than to end it. The mediator helps the couple acknowledge their desire to maintain their marriage and works to lessen the conflicts endangering the marriage and hopefully avoid divorce.

Who is a candidate for marital mediation?

Any couple seeking improved communication can benefit from marital mediation. Generally couples with discreet issues creating conflict, such as varying styles of handling finances or childrearing can use marital mediation most effectively.
How does marital mediation compare with couples counseling? Unlike couples counseling, marital mediation is mostly about making behavioral changes to improve the marriage, rather than creating internal changes in the parties through improved self awareness. While there is often some overlap between the two processes, marital mediation is usually more forward looking than couples counseling.

How does marital mediation work?

Marital mediation begins by having the parties identify the issues that are causing problems between them. Sometimes the parties are clear about the issues involved, and other times there is a general dissatisfaction that needs to be discussed to discern the problems involved.

Once the issues have been identified, each party is asked to express what he or she wants to accomplish through marital mediation.

• Discussions between the parties and the mediator can result in an increased openness to hearing each other’s opinions, even when they disagree with them.
• Parties’ communication skills can improve as they develop the tools needed to negotiate with each other in the future.What is the result of marital mediation?

Oftentimes parties will come away with a written agreement setting forth behavioral changes each party will make to improve their relationship. Sometimes the agreement provides for consequences for failure to comply with the agreement. In other cases, the parties do not actually put their agreements on paper, but come away with a mutual understanding that will hopefully help them avoid divorce mediation in the future. The process of marital mediation, which creates improved communication, is sometimes more important than the resulting agreement

When anticipating divorce, many questions arise. Divorce is a process rife with many interrelated legal, financial and emotional issues. After first thinking very carefully about whether to divorce, you should then think carefully about how to divorce. To begin with, you should decide what issues are most important to you about how to divorce. While you may not be the one who has chosen to divorce, you can take control over the method of divorce.

Is it important to you to maintain an amicable relationship with your spouse after divorce?

You may wish to keep your relationship with your spouse amicable for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is your children. When you imagine your future, do you hope to sit at your children’s sporting events, theatrical productions and graduations comfortably? Would you like to be able to dance with your former spouse at your children’s weddings? If so, you would benefit from a non-adversarial divorce method such as collaborative divorce or mediation.  Both collaborative divorce and mediation are geared toward resolving the issues of your divorce in a way that enhances, or at least does not undermine, your ability to communicate with your former spouse.

What kind of professionals would you like to work with in the divorce process?

Do you want an aggressive litigator controlling the process? Or would you prefer a person who will consider your values and include you in the process? Are you willing to risk having decisions about your future made by a judge you have never met before? Or do you want to maintain control of your future and your children’s future? Collaborative lawyers and mediators will help you examine your values and will help guide you through the divorce process respectfully. In addition, the collaborative divorce process offers you the option of mental health professionals acting as divorce coaches to support you through the divorce process.

Is saving money important to you?

An adversarial divorce, one with aggressive attorneys involved, is generally much more costly than mediation or collaborative divorce.  The adversarial process involves court appearances where you will await your lawyer’s chance to argue motions before a judge.  There will be many discussions between your attorney and your spouse’s attorney that are communicated to you after the fact.  You are paying for each of these procedures by the hour. There is no need to spend your children’s college fund or your retirement savings on your divorce. If you are comfortable mediating, you can generally divorce quite economically.  If you need the support of an attorney by your side through the process, collaborative divorce will save you a significant amount of money as compared with litigation because you and your spouse meet with your two attorneys together in 4-way meetings. You avoid the game of telephone that would otherwise occur where your attorney conveys your thoughts to the other attorney who then conveys them to your spouse, and so on.

Do you value your privacy?

The traditional divorce process entails court appearances where your financial and personal matters are discussed in a public forum. Collaborative divorce and mediation are done in the privacy of an attorney’s office. 

Who will you be after divorce?

The prospect of divorce may take up all of your emotional energy at the moment. It may loom in your future and seem never-ending.   Fortunately, you will one day complete the process. Who do you want to be when you are done with the divorce? Will the benefit of “winning” by using the most aggressive lawyer in town outweigh the loss of your ability to communicate with your spouse and effectively co-parent your children?

Please call me if you would like to discuss these issues further.

Vicki Volper

Collaborative Attorney and Mediator

You have decided to embark on a Collaborative Divorce. You would like to make the most of it.  Here are some tips for how to successfully navigate the process

           Establish goals for your Collaborative Divorce.

Think about your goals for the Collaborative Divorce process.  Consider the big picture as well as particular goals you might have.

    Permit each person to speak without interruption.

Basic civility will go a long way to further fruitful negotiations.  The Collaborative Divorce attorneys will make sure that each of you has an opportunity to be heard.

3  Listen respectfully with an open mind.

Your anger and frustration may make it hard for you to really hear what your spouse is saying.  Take the time to listen and you may be surprised to hear helpful ideas.

4  State facts, not accusations.  Ask for what you want and need.  State your   reasons.

Feel free to ask for what you need without accusing your spouse of not giving it to you.  Explain your needs as clearly as you can. 

5  Focus on the future, not the past.

You and your spouse disagree. That is why you are getting divorced.  Move on.

6  Speak only for yourself, not for the other person.

One of the advantages of Collaborative Divorce is that you will do most of your negotiations in 4-way meetings with your spouse and your two attorneys.  You do not have to speak for your spouse.  He or she is in the room and keep speak for himself or herself.

7  Consider one issue in your Collaborative Divorce at a time.

There are many things to be decided in divorce.  The multitude of issues can seem overwhelming. Take them one at a time.  Your Collaborative Divorce attorneys will make certain that you do not overlook important questions.  Take notes to ease any concerns about missing issues of importance. Focus on the matter at hand.

8  Agree to think about all possible solutions to resolve each issue.

It is tempting to come to a 4-way meeting with your own ideas about how many divorce issues should be settled.  Keep an open mind.  Brainstorm and leave all ideas on the table for consideration. Do not reject ideas without thinking them through.

9  Treat all decisions as temporary until all issues are resolved.

You are not bound by any decisions made in your negotiations until all of the issues have been handled.  For example, you might want to reconsider the division of assets in light of decisions about spousal support. All of these issues will together make up your divorce agreement.  Feel comfortable making tentative agreements that can be re-evaluated as negotiations proceed.