If you have children and you are beginning the divorce process, you may be concerned about the effect of your divorce on your children. There are things that you can do to protect your children through your divorce.

Choose a non-adversarial divorce method

Choosing a non-adversarial divorce method, like divorce mediation or collaborative divorce, will go a long way to reducing the level of conflict between you and your spouse. Divorce mediators and collaborative divorce lawyers can help you manage your divorce with a minimum of acrimony. That in turn will reduce the negative consequences of your divorce on your children.

Create a well thought out parenting plan as part of your divorce process

A comprehensive parenting plan enables you to minimize post-divorce conflict by having clear rules about your parenting schedule. It also provides predictability for your children and enables them to more easily relax into their new living situation.

Avoid having children decide the parenting schedule

I am often asked by parents to write a very open-ended and flexible parenting plan. While you should always be flexible about your parenting schedule to accommodate the needs of your children, I discourage a parenting plan that is too loose, or gives children too much choice. While the wishes of older children should be respected, asking children to decide when they will be with each parent gives them too much responsibility and is burdensome.

Take care of yourself

Your children know you very well. They know if you are struggling. If you are, see a competent mental health professional. You will help your children as well as yourself.

So many issues to consider.

Getting divorced is stressful. There are so many unknowns. Where will I live? Will there be enough money for the things that are important to me? How will my children fare in the divorce process? How will I pay for health insurance? How will we afford to send the children to college? Will I be with  my children on Thanksgiving?

These are just a few of the many varied issues that swirl around in the mind of a person anticipating divorce. The prospect of tackling so many important issues can seem overwhelming. Divorce mediation provides a structure allowing couples to handle all of the issues of their divorce in a methodical, organized manner.

Divorce Mediation provides structure to the divorce process.

The structure of divorce mediation offers the opportunity to slow down and consider each issue thoughtfully. In place of a jumble of fears, divorce mediation creates a systematic plan for reaching rational and reasonable decisions.

Beginning with the first mediation session, the  divorce mediator will offer couples the opportunity to break the divorce process down into small, manageable steps.

• First, a parenting plan will be created that permits each parent to remain connected to his or her children in a meaningful way. This involves a daily parenting schedule, as well as the sharing of holidays and vacations.
• Second, assets and debts will be listed and evaluated. The divorce mediator then helps the couple decide how the assets and debts should be shared.
• Third, the parties consider cash flow. Is there a need for spousal support? What should that look like? How long should it last? What about child support?

Along the way, the many details related to these issues are considered, including, health insurance, life insurance and college expenses.

Structure provides a sense of control.

While there is flexibility as to the order in which issues are discussed, there is an overall structure that is soothing to most couples. They see that the many overwhelming issues that need to be addressed will all be handled in time. The structure offered by divorce mediation allows many divorcing people to reduce the stress of divorce.  Reducing stress is always a good thing.