I had the great pleasure of joining attorney Bob Opotzner on his Comcast show “30 Minutes.” We discussed how the collaborative process can help divorcing parents decide how to fund their children’s college education. In a non-adversarial divorce, using divorce mediation or collaborative divorce, parents can effectively evaluate the legal, financial and emotional components of these decisions.
In negotiating your divorce settlement, whether in divorce mediation, collaborative divorce, or otherwise, you will need to determine what your financial life will look like after divorce. In addition to dividing your assets and debts, you will look at your income sources and anticipated expenses to determine your monthly cash flow.
One income source people sometimes do not consider is social security. Even if you have not worked and earned your own social security benefits, you may be entitled to receive social security benefits based upon the benefits earned by your ex-spouse.
If you are divorced, you can receive benefits based on your ex-spouse’s record if:
Note that if you are qualified for social security based on your earning history, and you also qualify for a portion of your former spouses’ benefit, you will only receive one benefit – the greater of the two. If you remarry, you will no longer qualify for your former spouse’s benefit unless your subsequent marriage ends. It is also important to note that your receipt of a portion of your former spouse’s social security benefit does not reduce the benefit your former spouse will receive.
When negotiating your divorce settlement, you will assign a value to most of your assets, including pensions and other forms of deferred compensation. A person’s right to receive social security, while potentially very valuable, is an interest that cannot be divided by a court and is not typically valued. In either divorce mediation or collaborative divorce, you may choose to take future social security benefits into account.
The Automatic Orders are a set of rules divorcing couples must follow during the divorce process. They become orders of the Superior Court when divorce papers are served. They limit each party’s ability to, among other things, move assets, cancel insurance coverage, go into excessive debt and overspend.
The Automatic Orders do not prevent you from continuing to pay your usual and customary household expenses.
The Automatic Orders prohibit you from making large purchases without your spouse’s consent, but you can still take these actions if you agree. If you and your spouse decide it’s time for a new car, you can buy one.
No. They also include rules regarding your minor children. For example, they prevent you from moving out of your state with your children without either your spouse’s consent or a court order. Also, if you are living apart, you must help your children see your spouse and keep your spouse informed about where you live.
If you are still living with your spouse, the Automatic Orders prevent you from denying your spouse access to the house by, for example, changing the locks. If you are no longer comfortable living with your spouse, you may be able to have the Court order your spouse to leave.
In divorce mediation, we usually do not serve divorce papers on your spouse. Typically, service of the Summons and Complaint which start the divorce action, is waived. Once you have completed mediation and made all of your decisions the case is initiated by agreement. The Agreement to Mediate, which sets forth the rules for mediation, states that you both agree to follow the Automatic Orders voluntarily.
Most couples who engage in divorce mediation are comfortable that their spouse will not hide assets or otherwise violate the Automatic Orders. That said, some couples prefer to file papers with the court earlier in the process because they want to have the Automatic Orders in place just in case. It is important to note that in divorce mediation you do not forfeit your right to investigate each other’s finances. Each of you may see any financial documentation you request.
If you would like to learn more about Divorce Mediation and the Automatic Orders, call me at (203) 222-1202.
• Part of the mediation process is gathering information and discovering your family’s finances. Only with reasonable financial disclosure can I help you mediate the financial aspects of your divorce. This means that even if you don’t “trust” your spouse, I will help reveal the necessary information.
• Each of you will be signing a sworn financial affidavit that is submitted to the Court. While that does not guarantee the information is accurate, most people take a sworn affidavit pretty seriously and disclose information truthfully. If you lie on your financial affidavit you may be held in contempt of court.
• Even in divorce mediation, you have the right to see statements of all accounts. By choosing divorce mediation, you do not give up your right to the full disclosure and documentation you would have in a litigated divorce case.
• You have the option to engage a divorce financial expert to review statements and look for any inconsistencies. This can offer an additional level of protection for a skeptical spouse.
• Have you historically had access to your family’s bank statements? If so, your spouse is less likely to be withholding information. Even if you have not had access to your family’s finances, sometimes it is just a function of the division of labor in your household.
• Is your spouse self-employed? If not, it is much more difficult for them to hide income. The annual income statement your spouse receives from their employer (Form W-2) tells the story. If your spouse is self-employed, determining their assets and income may be a bit trickier. As part of the divorce mediation process, you may choose to have your spouse’s business valued by a business appraiser. You also may choose to have an accountant review your spouse’s business records to provide comfort that the income numbers reported are accurate.
Don’t let a lack of emotional trust deter you from divorce mediation. Mediation allows you to divorce amicably and respectfully. Avoiding litigation also helps you preserve your assets and protect your children. Learn more about divorce mediation
If you have additional questions about divorce mediation, call me for a complimentary consultation at (203) 222-1202.
If you are contemplating a divorce, you may wonder whether you should instead consider a legal separation. In Connecticut, a judgment of legal separation is almost identical to a judgment of dissolution of marriage (divorce). The only meaningful difference is that if you are legally separated, you are technically still married and you are not free to marry another person.
The process for a legal separation in Connecticut is virtually identical to the process for a divorce. All of the same decisions must be made regarding the division of assets and debts, determining alimony and/or child support and creating a parenting plan for minor children. The time commitment, labor and costs are the same. For these reasons, legal separation is not very common in Connecticut.
Legal separations, like divorces, can be accomplished using either divorce mediation or the collaborative divorce model. For help in deciding which method to choose, read: Mediation vs. Collaborative Divorce
I am delighted to share my conversation with divorce mediation client, and now friend, Eva Amurri. I answer her thoughtful questions about divorce mediation and provide some advice for her many social media followers.
Here is a link to Eva’s blog post about divorce mediation that includes our Q&A: HappilyEvaAfter
I am proud to have been named one of the top attorney mediators in Fairfield County in the March/April edition of Westport Weston & Wilton Magazine.
My article describing the divorce mediation process was recently featured in The Better Apart Blog. In the article, I compare the positions that divorcing people often take when they come to the mediation table and their true interests for themselves and their children. Understanding that distinction is the key to a successful mediation. Read My Article Here
This morning I had the honor of speaking about the impact of COVID-19 on parenting plans on the Lisa Wexler show on WICC 600 radio.
The COVID-19 pandemic has turned life upside down. Many aspects of life have been put on hold. But you do not need to put your divorce on hold if you choose online divorce mediation.
Divorce Mediation, which involves honest conversations about intimate issues, may not seem suited to the online world. As a divorce mediator, I am very sensitive to each participant’s body language, posture and demeanor. I was concerned that the online format would make mediation less effective.
The pandemic has forced us to give online divorce mediation a try. Fortunately, it really works! There are even some advantages over in-person divorce mediation. Despite COVID-19, divorces can proceed successfully.
It can be difficult to schedule divorce mediation sessions around the parties’ work schedules. Now, most of my divorcing clients are working from home and have more flexibility. Participants can be more focused. They are not showing up to mediation meetings after a long day of work and a frustrating drive on I-95.
While it is sometimes a challenge for parties to find a private space for mediation sessions, most clients have been able to do so. Even if it means bringing your iPad into your car, most people can find private space for an hour or two of mediation.
Divorce mediation sessions are held through video conferences where we see can each other’s faces very clearly. Sometimes, while mediating in person, a client will reposition their chair or physically turn away from the mediation process. In online mediation, I have not seen participants turn away from the screen. Instead, it increases eye contact and the connection between all of us.
In divorce mediation, we begin by gathering information. At present, asset values and incomes are in flux. While that creates some challenges, it also creates opportunities because divorcing couples may be more open to creative solutions. Since we do not know what the future will bring, we all need to be open to a variety of options. Because of COVID-19, many people have more time on their hands. This permits them time to focus on divorce mediation and thoughtfully reflect upon their values and priorities.
