Divorce Mediation and Trust

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Can I mediate my divorce if I don’t trust my spouse?

I am often asked this very reasonable question. And the answer is that it depends. Here are some reasons why a lack of trust does not necessarily rule out divorce mediation.

• Part of the mediation process is gathering information and discovering your family’s finances. Only with reasonable financial disclosure can I help you mediate the financial aspects of your divorce. This means that even if you don’t “trust” your spouse, I will help reveal the necessary information.

• Each of you will be signing a sworn financial affidavit  that is submitted to the Court. While that does not guarantee the information is accurate, most people take a sworn affidavit pretty seriously and disclose information truthfully. If you lie on your financial affidavit you may be held in contempt of court.

• Even in divorce mediation, you have the right to see statements of all accounts. By choosing divorce mediation, you do not give up your right to the full disclosure and documentation you would have in a litigated divorce case.

• You have the option to engage a divorce financial expert to review statements and look for any inconsistencies. This can offer an additional level of protection for a skeptical spouse.

If your spouse has been dishonest about emotional issues, that does not mean they will be dishonest about the financial issues of your divorce. A spouse who has had an affair, or otherwise lost your trust, is not necessarily hiding assets. I would consider these questions:

• Have you historically had access to your family’s bank statements? If so, your spouse is less likely to be withholding information. Even if you have not had access to your family’s finances, sometimes it is just a function of the division of labor in your household.

• Is your spouse self-employed? If not, it is much more difficult for them to hide income. The annual income statement your spouse receives from their employer (Form W-2) tells the story. If your spouse is self-employed, determining their assets and income may be a bit trickier. As part of the divorce mediation process, you may choose to have your spouse’s business valued by a business appraiser. You also may choose to have an accountant review your spouse’s business records to provide comfort that the income numbers reported are accurate.

Realistically, if you and your spouse had an abundance of trust, you probably would not be divorcing.

Don’t let a lack of emotional trust deter you from divorce mediation. Mediation allows you to divorce amicably and respectfully. Avoiding litigation also helps you preserve your assets and protect your children. Learn more about divorce mediation

If you have additional questions about divorce mediation, call me for a complimentary consultation at (203) 222-1202.